1. |
The Shattering Caste
05:15
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the colour begins to move
slowly around me
at 360º it disappears from sight.
now broken, it forms into
a long silver crescent moon
(actually a knife).
it skewers me at 4:52, before dawn--
a single strike.
a daughter, a demon, a noble, a knave;
a butcher, a bitch, a seller, a slave...
i do not remember the title they gave.
the numbers lose all meaning;
i can't stay awake.
the cancer within begins debilitating me.
i am exactly as i seem--
a backwards, illusory dream.
i am a mind apart from my own mind.
i am held in by no dimension.
i grow bored with your manic pretension.
i grow hungry and scared--
but no-one comes.
i'm not a good martyr;
i'm not a good friend.
but i'll believe in my lost cause
before i'll ever believe in yours--
which means i'll never believe in you.
and i feel, i feel all i feel...
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2. |
Once In Vain
04:02
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i do not hold back;
i never let go.
within change, without changing.
unconfirmed infirmity;
suspended expediation.
i leave my trail over all nations.
there's never a time that really exists in any fixed point of space,
just for me--
and you, a dark unholy mere sentient being,
under all.
silence weakens my thoughts;
renders asunder winter and its wonder.
arrogant and asunder,
no reason for wonder.
once you're gone, you're gone
all may be useless
all may be useless
all may be useless...
you're gone; all is useless, all is...
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3. |
Sel
06:04
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it's a bloody document
it's legally fraudulent
and...and with a stroke of a pen,
it sells your soul.
any new overtures
are no longer yours
(and no-one will listen to them, anyway)...
spent a fair amount of money
one the one who turned out to be a dunce.
the word i use to describe his friends, and himself,
rhymes with that last line i sang.
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4. |
Not Venus Idalia
03:07
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it's not fair to say that you're alone in the dark
i've always been here, you've just never seen me
living off provisions of fear, you work to conceal a lazy eye
through all the mixed media, you feel unforgiven;
i can't do anything about the way that you feel.
i turn around, i am caught in my spin
i tune you out while it sucks you back in
the vacuous cries, i've already heard
there is no need to be so absurd.
there's no bastard son if he's stillborn,
yet the outcast mother is so forlorn.
you can't tell in any language of the strength it takes
to make death just a word.
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5. |
Les Divorcées
06:01
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[instrumental]
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6. |
The Fiend
03:03
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maybe, maybe i was wrong;
i don't know
but to me all the boys are so stupid--
and the girls ain't much better,
so i go it alone.
the road rises to meet me more than you did.
and through superfission i feel strong,
the truth of the matter is, i just don't belong.
i was broken, but honest,
at least until now;
i've never been left for better,
but i don't know which is worse.
i may love my religion,
but i'll never bend down;
why look for a second coming
when there was never a first?
you should believe me;
my name ain't Ruby for nothing.
you could perceive me,
even during my best-feigned regard.
it's hard
to see stars without looking
although they are there,
but there are some burned deep down into my head.
i don't expect or protect or regret or receive;
i don't follow or recoil or reign or deceive.
i don't suffer or worry, or even believe
your story of descendence from Adam & Eve.
i don't suffer or worry, or even believe
your story of descendence.
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7. |
Five-Night Forgiveness
04:05
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if it was worth the wait
to be troubled so far, and for so long,
well then i'll be damned.
there's no way in hell that i'd do it again
and no chance for a change in regrets.
i would kill myself, but it wouldn't be fair.
the immediacy of where i am, leaves.
i can never go where the walls aren't left standing,
i can never face he who receiveth grace.
i don't rely on fate to cure me of the hate
that i feel--that i feel when i notice the world.
when i notice, when i notice the world.
there's always more than meets the eye,
and deviance abounds.
oft it is there seems to be a rampant disease on sacred grounds.
whether middle-class or living,
you're still devoid of spark,
yet your eye never adjusts to the dark.
i know from your voice where you've been--but not who you are.
i never go where the walls have fallen
i can never face anyone who says that the race is done
i don't rely on fate to paint reality for me,
it's what i feel, it's how i feel when i notice the world.
when i notice the world--what i've noticed, what i've noticed.
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8. |
Render You a Demigod
04:56
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left-handed anarchy, in a way, pools on the floor
like soaking water leaking underneath the door
the stream of consciousness may at times overflow
so like a drowned-out martyr you sink to equal depths below
and it won't seem right, but tonight, i'm sentimental
the heat gets to me in a way i'd rather deny
like with your love, i've no peace of
mind your thinking
the phantasmagorical fiction in your eyes,
it just wouldn't seem right
overstayed, overlooked monarchy settles in the dust of ancient past
and resurrection promised but later refused is forgotten news fading fast
like a reflection in the window, a mottled look, a tinted hue
fleeting fortunes in secret strewn beneath a secret cellar roughly hewn
it may not seem right, but tonight, it's a kind of miracle
of untold destruction, restless change
your unseen light and violet skies and
endless reverence of night,
each star falls and impales me, burning out
it may not seem right in your violent mind
to stand in unseen light, aligned to what you can't relate to
i may not seem right, but i'll assure you as i assure myself
that it's all i have to give you
and i must be right as i lay on the ground and wait
for the stars to fall and pierce me burning, rending me to cinders and burning out
rending me to cinders and burning, burning, burning out
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Isadora Zidore
Ambient vocal music informed by 20th-c modern classical and traditional Micronesian navigation by the stars.
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